i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
