babies were throwing up all over the place
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
