We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
