guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
