dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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