I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
