how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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