you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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