based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
