it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
