I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need a beard to bite.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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