You made me cry and you don't even care
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
