foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So much rum. So many feels.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
pray to the hookup gods
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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