you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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