Your dad touched me again.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
