You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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