You're my little dorito
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
COCAINE IS GR8
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize