if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
