yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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