well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So. Much. Porn.
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