how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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