True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
