I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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