So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
