Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
