She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
