I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
