i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
