Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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