quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
