my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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