There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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