Sry I called you an 8
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize