I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize