maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
