no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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