I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
