new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
