my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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