I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
