this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize