That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
