the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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