I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
