So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
