So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
