Whod you bang
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
