so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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