I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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