i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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