but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
