I'm really into asian looking animals
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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