Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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