I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize