I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
