I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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