Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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