I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We left the knife in your bed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
