no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
