is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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