She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
NoShamevember. You game?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
